Pasco, Richland, and Kennewick go with Deanna D. Midwifery for our holistic and comprehensive healthcare for women. If you are looking to find a midwife for your partner or loved one, we ask you to consider Deanna D. and her team because of our commitment to blending our expertise with getting to know each client on a personal level. The services we offer include family planning counseling, childbirth and pregnancy assistance, treatment and prevention of STIs, among many other services for women’s health. As a certified midwife and WHNP, Deanna D. has the experience coupled with a passion for treating each client as the unique and special case that they are. Keep in mind that we are also happy to partner with local Tri-City doctors, in an event of an emergency which requires extemporaneous care. We are firmly entrenched in the community here at Deanna D. Midwifery, being supported by private doctors, hospitals, ambulatory care clinics, and traditional and alternative birth centers.
In today’s post, we are taking a brief departure away from emphasizing the mother during pregnancy. Our past posts have focused on relaxation techniques for expectant mothers, among many other tips and tricks to help pregnancy be as joyful and smooth as possible for all parties involved. We would like to give a shout-out to birthing partners, be them biological fathers, mothers of mothers, life partners, good friends, or just somebody you met on the street who is willing to offer a helping hand.
Well, maybe not the last one, but we aren’t in the business of judging you! We are in the business of providing our community with practical pregnancy advice in this space, as a part of our approach to helping pregnant mothers beyond the walls of our own office. In today’s post, we are stretching our breadth of coverage beyond mothers alone, because we want everyone to understand the key role a birthing partner has to play in the pregnancy, labor, and birthing process.
Continue to read if you are an expectant mother hoping to inspire your partner with some helpful tips, or are a birthing partner yourself looking for a good place to start!
While birthing partners take a variety of forms, we would like to pay special attention to the dads in this section. Not because the dads did anything amazing in particular, but more like the future dads in our lives need to be empowered and educated so they can support you during pregnancy, and then go on to be fantastic fathers.
How Do I Fix It!?
The thing is, the pregnancy process is a foreign, daunting one to men, especially for men who haven’t been exposed to the female side of things at an earlier stage in life. And the fact is, in the modern era, it’s pretty trendy to think of the differences between genders and even biological sex as being social constructs – that is, until you are faced with a practical example, such as your wife getting pregnant. Then you are face to face with a perennial reality of a decided contrast. You will likely feel helpless and unsure of what to say or do, which, while we are talking about gender roles, isn’t exactly an ideal place to be for the archetypical male psyche.
The first thing to remember is that even if your wife or partner is in pain, discomfort, and feels anxious, that doesn’t mean that anything is broken. Many men, along with all kinds of people, have a deep drive to fix something for their loved one when they see them in some kind of discomfort. Pregnancy is often chaotic, yes, but don’t add to the chaos by being a burden on your already stressed-out partner. Instead, try some of the following tips.
How To Respond When You Learn Your Wife Is Pregnant
Well, somewhat ironically, we understand you aren’t likely to be searching for information about how to be a supportive partner before you find out that she is pregnant, unless you are actively trying to conceive. That said, there is no right way to receive and react to this news. But there are certainly wrong ways to do so. Even if you are immediately filled with terror, selfishness, anger, or some other incomplete reaction of haste, you don’t have to vocalize those feelings. At least, you don’t have to right away. It’s okay to be scared, but get outside of your own head for a moment and realize what your partner might be feeling like, even while she tells you. It’s not easy.
You, if you are the father or parent, are a biological and social partner in the situation, and we get that. So don’t take this as us trying to tell you how to feel or act. And hey, if you are trying and excited, or even not trying and excited, that is wonderful! There are few feelings in the world that can compare.
Be A Good Distraction
Pregnancy isn’t easy. We’ve established this. As a man especially, you won’t be able to empathize with what your partner is going through on a physical or emotional level. But what you can do is tell her that you don’t understand what she is going through, but you are there for her, and that is often powerful enough to make a significant impact in feeling supported.
There will be times during the pregnancy where your partner may wish she had her former body back, that her back didn’t hurt 24/7, and along with a host of other paint points she likely wishes she could wish away. Instead of focusing on the negatives and trying to solve the unsolvable (sometimes, you just can’t get comfortable), be a positive distraction. Try to get her mind off of the discomfort or anxiety. That could look like being spontaneously romantic, or it might look like something else altogether. You know your partner, we don’t. So figure it out. Just don’t be a selfish distraction because that isn’t helpful to anyone, and will only drive a wedge between you two.
Take Care Of Yourself
The above advice revolves around the core theme of not being selfish, because this experience is not about you, the partner. And while that is true in a physical sense, we are not about to claim that you won’t have your own emotional needs during the pregnancy. And while mommy is distracted by one of a thousand emotions or nesting action items to accomplish, you might have a little bit of time to get in touch with your own emotional side. Scary! But good. The last thing we want is for you to read this blog and feel like you can’t express yourself to your loved one. That’s not a recipe for success. The pregnancy should bring you closer. So take everything above this paragraph with a grain of salt.
That said, being able to talk about your experiences, and even your frustrations, with someone other than your partner is often a useful exercise. Getting a fresh perspective, along with being able to be completely honest without fear of causing damage to a delicate situation is sometimes just the tonic a stressed-out dad-to-be requires. Don’t be too proud. Get a buddy, and talk it out!
So concludes part one of our two part series about how partners can help out their pregnant partners in this wonderful and strange time. Today’s post was a bit more psychological in nature than part two will be, which will focus on more tangible aspects of supporting your loved one. Remember that if you are in need of professional wisdom or medical attention, the tradition of midwifery has been around for thousands of years for good reason. Deanna D. Midwifery is an antenatal clinic staffed with real people who care about every aspect of the pregnancy. If you are in need of late, or early pregnancy care, get in touch with us to learn what we have to offer you!